Let's go back....wayyyy back!

To get a true sense of how CRAZY my life really is, we have to go back...wayyy back. To set the scene I am gonna place you in small town Arkansas, year 2001, on the "strip" (a 1/2 mile in front of local stores that cars cruised up and down). I was 15 living the dream; I had lots of friends, good grades, trust from my parents and nothing but time...until...I met HIM! Now pay close attention to the HIM in this story because that is where the craziness starts. I met "shawn" (for privacy issues we will keep his true name withheld) one summer night on the strip and that was the beginning of it all. He was 18 at the time and the guy that everyone wanted, well as luck would have it....I got him. We became boyfriend/girlfriend in August of 2001. Now this sounds like a fairy tale right? Wrong!!! I started sneaking out of the house, skipping school, having sex, lying, and missing work..my life was pretty much turned upside down..now this is the point where you say "why didn't you just break up with him?" Well, good question! Shawn and I were together all through my highschool years...we went to my junior prom together WHICH HE MESSED AROUND WITH ANOTHER GIRL AT!..we did everything together...then comes senior year, 2004. In 2004 Shawn was deployed to Iraq and that was when the real trouble began. He did 6months of training in Ft. Hood, TX where I believe he cheated on me with every girl in sight or so it seems. I went to visit Shawn with my mother before he deployed and wouldn't ya know, he had a photo of a local girl from TX in his wallet and even left me at the hotel to go be with her!! What an A-hole right? Now you ask again.. "Why didnt you break up with him?" Again, very good question. I stayed with Shawn, saw him off to his deployment and waited 12 long months for him to return. Those 12 months were no walk in the park; we argued, he messed around with girls that he was deployed with and then the worst...a friend of mine from highschool who was deployed with him came home on leave only to tell me that he knew Shawn was messing with (7) count them (7) girls overseas. I was furious but still held on to my relationship. During this whole deployment my family and I were planning my wedding to Shawn...I know, Crazy right?!? After I found out about the 7 girls I called off the wedding...Shawn came home 2 weeks later for his leave (a 2week visit home from overseas during deployment) and wouldn't ya know, my dumb butt ran off and secretly married the dude at our local courthouse, no family, no friends, JUST US! My family and his family had no clue, not for 2 weeks anyways. My parents were devastated not only because they missed out on their only daughters wedding but also becasue they knew I was making a huge mistake. The 2 weeks were up and Shawn had to go back to Iraq, he only had a couple months left then he would be home for good and I was left to clean up the mess of our spur of the moment wedding. Everyone was furious and stayed that way for a long time. When Shawn came home we moved right away out of town, we felt we needed "US" time, whatever that means! Looking back now, I just think he wanted me away from influences that may have made me see the error of my ways! SO, we move..two hours away..and SURPRISE...I get pregnant! IT'S A BOY!  My son was born and things got tough, I was raising him basically as a single mother even though I was married and THAT was not fun or fair. Shortly after the birth of my son, who we will call X, my grandpa committed suicide! Now when you imagine having your heart ripped from your chest and feeling every ounce of pain from it, that's how I felt when I found out! My granpa was a great man, a wonderful man, whom I miss dearly to this day! I went to his funeral, just X and me (Shawn didn't go b/c he "couldn't get off work" later found out that was a lie). While gone away to the funeral Shawn was distant and strange...well guess why?? I get home to find condom wrappers on our dresser, OPENED ones! Wanna know what happens next? Once again, I make the wrong decision, stay with him, and we move back home to where our family is.....SURPRISE...pregnant again! At this point my son X is only 3 months old and here I am 6 weeks pregnant! This time around we have a little girl, J. From outside appearance we are doing good, stable home, 2 great kids, and we seemed to be making our marriage work..until..we get evicted from our rental house..you see, Shawn has an anger issue..he likes to punch and break things...trashing every house we have ever lived in..and our landlord decided to drop by for a visit and was not HAPPY. Once evicted my parents made a deal that the children and I could live with them but Shawn was on his own, we got him settled in a local sleezebag motel, the kids and I visited him everynight. So it's that time again and Shawn gets deployed a 2nd time to Iraq, this time he does 3 months of training Louisiana and then off to Iraq...Well SURPRISE....I get a letter in the mail the 1st day he stepped foot in country overseas from the OCSE...if any of you don't know who that is...it is the Office of Child Support Enforcement!!!! That's right Shawn got another girl pregnant...GASP!!! I know, crazy right?!? Not just any girl, but a girl I grew up with, lived down the street from me my whole life, dated my brother, a girl that knew we were married. This is the beginning of our "baby momma drama". I was beside myself and separated from Shawn. During this separation I dated 2 other guys...who were nice and treated me well but one of them was special. "Jack" (pay attention b/c Jack pops back up later) was great, fun, sweet, and he made me feel like I was the only woman that mattered. By nature, I am extremely honest...some would say to a fault..so I let Shawn know about Jack, I felt he had the right to know as legally we were still married and we had children together. Shawn was not ok with it, he started causing drama...calling Jack and threatening him (yes, while he was overseas, you would think he didn't have time for drama like this but you would be surprised what they actually do during deployments) Jack didn't like all the drama and decided that after 3 months, right then wasn't the best time for us to be together and told me if there was ever a point where Shawn would be in the picture in such a dramatic was that he would try again...well time goes on and Shawn comes home from deployment...get ready for it....we get back together!!! I justified it by saying if I was gonna fight and argue with other guys in relationships I might as well fight and argue with the father of my children. You see, my thought on marriage has always been you get married once and you make it work regardless, there is nothing you can't get over or forgive. That philosophy has screwed me royally over the years. Anywas back to the story, Shawn comes home and things are HORRIBLE....his PTSD is kicking in, he's anger, lazy, and all he wants to do is drink and cheat. I want you to close your head and think of what a marriage from hell would be like to you...times that by 100 and that was my marriage for the next 3 years!! Ok, now fast forward to 2011...Shawn is working for an oil company making good money and everything seems to be finally settling down and going right...until he gets sick. I don't mean sick like flu, I mean sick like dying from a crazy bacterial disease he got from drinking homemade wine..I know, Crazy Right?!? Anyways, like I good wife I was there for my husband..sat by his hospital bed only to be woke up from a dead sleep by my internal warning system. Now ladies, you will understand what I am talking about here. Have you ever just had everything within you telling you something, the urge so strong you can't resist it? Well thats what happened, I woke up, sat straight up in the bed at 3am and something inside me said "check his phone!" I got the phone, scrolled through a lil bit and saw bunches and bunches of females...by the way..FACEBOOK was the #1 cheating tool my husband used, those damn private messages! So in seeing these females, one specific one jumps out at me...I read through the messages only to see him tell the girl " I wish you were here instead of her". Now for years and years everyone would tell me "when your done, your done; and you will know it"...well ladies and gents..I WAS DONE! I woke up my husband, told him what I saw, and walked calmly out of that house! I stayed with a friend for a week then moved the kids and I in with my parents, then filed for divorce! I WAS DONE DONE DONE! 10 years of hell and that was what it took. I didn't cry, I wasn't sad, I was at peace..for once in 10 years I felt calm and at ease. It didnt take but a month and half for my lawyer to file the paperwork and the judge to grant our divorce...and August 11, 2011..2 days shy of our anniversary..it was over! The following months have been crazy...I lived with my parents for a couple months then finally the kids and I were able to afford our own place...and I am sure you are not surpised one bit to hear that he doesn't pay child support or see his children! So now that you have the back story...we can start from the present, the very great, wonderful, NEW, present! :)